So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
