I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Floor bacon is actually really good
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
