are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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