Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
