Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize