Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
thus making me awesome and them whores
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
