I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
