I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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