Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
