I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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