He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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