eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize