If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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