Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
