Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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