i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
