god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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