WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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