Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
