my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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