Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
