Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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