I got chris browned last night
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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