my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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