i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
