I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
