Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
