I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
