I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
