Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
