saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
