Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
