guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
soo... how was my night?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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