If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize