shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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