where does the pee come out of this thing
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
