there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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