omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
