never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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