i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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