I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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