i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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