There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
