My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
