Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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