Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
