Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
