Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
