i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
