I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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