Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I looked at my own cervix.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
