You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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