I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
