Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
