so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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