Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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