Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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