C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
