Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
