He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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