Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
