White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
