That's intense
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i want to swaddle you in tequila
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
