Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
