She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
