I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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