I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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