in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
