I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
