Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It was confusing and full of hummus
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
